There aren’t many pictures of my daughter and I from 2018 – 2020. Most of them are of just her. I was too tired, too disheveled, too stressed to even want to look at myself.
This weekend I binged Maid (Netflix) and had a very cathartic experience owning my story of being a single mom – especially after leaving an emotionally abusive partner. Some of the scenes brought me back to memories that I buried so far in the back of my own mind I almost forgot them.
In one scene, Alex (the main character) is crying and anxious while driving as her daughter is screaming at her to put music on. She muffles out “can I just have a second sweetie?” Her daughter persists (as toddlers do). Alex swallows her emotions and presses play, to only try to sing along with her daughter through the tears. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had that experience as a single mom.
It reminded me of how much of myself I’ve stuffed deep down to show up for the one person who deserves ALL of the love I have.
In the show, Alex wasn’t prepared to leave her partner but I always was. I always worked, and when things got bad, I worked even more. I took on a consulting job. I worked while Charlotte napped. I saved every single penny. Something in me always knew that I would need to leave, even before Char was born. And that “something” was right. I just wish I left sooner.
Maids reminded me of that journey and how hard it was to just feel okay. I remember showing up to Charlotte’s mommy and me classes wiping away tears in the hallway, praying no one asked “how are you?”
I share this because I learned today that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I have been on auto pilot parenting since I left that marriage, I almost forgot that it was abusive. Emotional abuse is abuse – no matter how you want to justify it. If someone, who says they love you, is doing or saying something or saying something TO hurt you, that is emotional abuse.
When I was going through this, countless people minimized my experience or told me “he will change” or “he is working on it.” He didn’t. He wasn’t. It’s not okay.
Listen when someone talks to you about this stuff. They need you.
And if you need someone to talk to, please contact me.
