This weekend I was skimming through podcasts looking for my next inspiration and came across a list of things to start in 2017. I clicked on it and started listening along, jotting down a few things to think more about when the podcast ended. About halfway through I started to wonder, why do we only look to make changes like this at the end of the year? Why is the end of the year always the catalyst? What can we do to make tomorrow as big as New Year’s Day?
As a trained yoga instructor, I firmly believe you can’t teach if you’re not practicing, and I think that is especially true for coaches. So before the podcast ended I got out a sheet of paper and figured out what I was going to change right now.
Here is my process. Some of it feels written for you, some of it feels like I am coaching myself, and some of it is just notes. This may read a bit messy but my intention is to get it out there – not to spend an hour editing it (if I do that it’ll never hit the blog)! Please do comment if something speaks to you, I’d love to hear about it.
- Start taking care of yourself.
Sometimes it’s a manicure. Sometimes it’s wearing a necklace that reminds you of you when you look at yourself in the mirror. Sometimes it’s spending 15 extra minutes to cook yourself something that you actually want to eat. Sometimes it’s sleeping through a workout because you need the rest, and sometimes it’s the opposite. Whatever it is, start choosing to do what is going to make you feel more you and more empowered each day.
For me, it’s taking the time to blow dry my hair; it’s picking out an outfit that doesn’t fall into the category of “just anything,” and putting on some makeup before the day starts. It makes me feel like there is a start to the morning.
2. Start being honest with how you really feel.
I’ve been on both sides of this spectrum. I’ve been ruthlessly honest with anyone who asked “how are you?” and I have lied through my teeth for months. Neither feels good. And it also doesn’t feel good to feel like you can’t tell anyone what is going on.
I’ve learned that it is best to be honest with the people who love you enough to listen without judgement. Keeping everything inside will only lead to a waterfall or explosion of emption.
It is also extremely vulnerable, but possible, to ask for a safe space from a friend. It’s ok to ask to vent without advice. Sometimes you just need someone to stand in the fire with you. And everyone needs that person.
At times I’ve hard to hire that person (it’s how I got my first life coach!) and at times I have been able to pick that person or people out from my tribe. Figure out who your person is and take off the veil.
- Drink water.
No seriously, drink water. SO MANY of my clients tell me they don’t drink enough water throughout the day and end the day feeling depleted. Set up timers, buy a fancy water bottle, do whatever you need to do to keep yourself hydrated and replenished!
When I don’t drink enough water I become irritable, tired, and feel like my eyes are literally going to fall out of the sockets. Give it a try even if you think it is bullshit.
- Start meditating.
I feel like a hypocrite for putting it on the list because my meditation practice is a daily war for me. It’s hard and I have 100 sabateurs in my head telling me why I can’t and should be doing something else.
“It’s too messy in here”
“You have 100 things to do”
“10 minutes?! What will 10 minutes do?”
“Maybe later…”
The list goes on.
But I have an equally loud voice in my head that says “maybe if I do it, it’ll change my life.”
- End the gossip.
I am personally struggling with this and I need to get it on a leash. Not only does it make me feel sour inside, it fuels the fear that people are gossiping about me. I realized that when I let it go I feel really disconnected from the world, but I rather feel disconnected and find a new way to connect than to only connect based on hurting others. (That was a mouthful)
- Can you bring love to something you hate?
I honestly feel like there are a lot of things I hate lately. Even things I say I love I hate right now – it’s killing me. So I ask myself: what if you can shift your perspective that you can bring some joy to this. What needs to change in order for you to be able to love your way through this? Can I cook something I actually want to eat? Yes. Can I get this annoying task out of the way so it stops hanging over my head? Yes. Can I get myself a nice cup of coffee while I do said annoying task so I feel cared for? Also yes.
- Be resourceful with your frustration.
I am starting to realize that if I don’t help me no one is going to help me.
For example, I hate co-sleeping with my daughter. I desperately need a bit of space and I rarely get it because she has separation anxiety. There are moments I can get her in her crib but the majority of the time I am stuck underneath her. I fill with rage, and then I am trapped in rage. So when I am at my lowest and most frustrated I channel in a meditation I learned years ago. I inhale white light and exhale smoke. I do this over and over again with the hopes of bringing compassion to myself and to this situation. I may not be able to change it, but I can certainly support myself through it.
- Schedule you time.
Why is this so hard for us?
The other day I took a second shower because I was feeling crappy and felt guilt that I wasn’t cleaning something up. Seriously.
Now, I’ve made a commitment to putting blocks in my calendar when my phone is down and my intention is to do whatever it is I’m wanting to do. I really allow the time to dictate what I need: a second shower, cleaning up a drawer, writing, a manicure, whatever.
- Commit to the thing you are passionate about.
How often do you fall asleep thinking “I shold have done more?” or “when am I EVER going to do that?” How many things are filed under “one day.”
Spend time to get the things done that keep you up at night.
Lately I decided to start working through some of those things. For example, applying for a certain program at Harvard has been on my to do list for so long and I had a ton of saboteurs telling me why I can’t and why I shouldn’t. I decided to nip it in the but and went in to see if it actually still was a good fit for me. It turns out it wasn’t. The course has changed paths and it no longer is right for me. I left the campus feeling both defeated and freed at the same time. This wasn’t right for me, but I wonder what is.
- Let go of the friends who have already let go of you.
Raise your hand if you have ever played this game: “I’m going to see how long it takes for X to text me….”
Spoiler alert: The person is not your friend if you need to play that game.
Figuring out who is really our friends is hard. This is one of the hardest things to do because we want to connect and we want to feel cared for. It is really hard to take a step back and realize that we sometimes surround ourselves with people who don’t actually care about us.
I have held on to relationships long after they were gone to only feel burned constantly. At times I thought I was acting like a victim, but theres also times where I took a solid look at the friendship and felt that I really did everything I could do and I just don’t feel valued. This year I decided that I can only do as much as I can do and I need to nurture the relationships that help elevate me. There were times this year where I fell flat on my face with this — and it still hurts, but I rather fall flat than hold onto a hopeless balloon.
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I hope this was helpful for you to read. I will come back and edit it one day but for now I just need to work on getting my ideas out there. I am realizing it is hard for me to write so I am doing what I would encourage you to do – do your best, even if it’s not perfect (…especially if it’s not perfect).
