I’ve always felt every day should be World Mental Health Day.
Earlier this year I was really struggling. The pandemic winter felt long, and hard, and the isolation really got to me. I felt like I kept walking into walls. There were a lot of other personal things going on too, but the details don’t matter, what matters is that almost all areas of life felt hard.
I found myself wanting to go to bed earlier each day. I lost enjoyment in working out (for a short time). I would commit to things, and then not be able to get myself to them. And “getting things done” in all aspects of life felt hard. I was doing everything I could to get out of it: a new coach, left therapy, started going to acupuncture weekly, started saying no more, stopped judging myself for feeling “bad,” asked for help, but still, the overwhelming feeling of sadness and despair was still there. I felt pathetic. I could “turn on confidence” to coach and enter a part of me that was always alive, but when the calls were done for the day, I felt like a failure within myself. I didn’t even feel like I could explain it to anyone. All I could say was “I am just having a hard time.” I’ve been through a lot, but for some reason, I couldn’t shake this.
In May, I decided it was time to try medication for the first time. I asked for a low dose and “right sized emotions.” I was prescribed a super low dose of Zoloft that cleared up enough of the mental fog that I could start to address my life.
I spent a lot of my life judging medication. I know that is a controversial statement so I want to make myself clear: I spent a long time judging medication for myself — not anyone else. I was prescribed it as a teen over and I grew a resistance to it because I wanted my parents to address their life and actions, not force a child into meds. I always felt meds were thrown at me when people did not want to work on themselves.
But after fighting myself for months, I committed to them, and once I started feeling better, I committed to cleaning up all of the areas of my life. I started meditating and journaling every day – and started asking myself WTF do YOU need today and moving from that place.
So if you have someone in your life struggling with mental health (spoiler alert, everyone has someone in their life struggling with mental health…).
This is my advice for you:
- The worst part of struggling with mental illness is that it’s invisible. There isn’t blood, or a broken bone. There isn’t a lump to remove. There isn’t even a solid diagnosis most of the time. It doesn’t mean it’s any less real and any less painful.
- It is very easy for someone struggling with mental health to feel alone. It is so so important for that person to not feel alone. They need to know they have someone they can go to.
- Don’t half ass a response when someone reaches out for help. You are probably their lifeline in that moment. If you can’t show up for them emotionally, TELL THEM THAT, so they can put their energy toward someone who can.
- Sometimes all someone needs is an ear. They know they can fix things and probably want to, but something isn’t clicking. No depressed person wants to stay depressed, it doesn’t mean they feel they can do more than they’re saying.
- Give them space to cancel plans if they aren’t feeling okay. Sometimes it will be too much for them. But knowing you are there will change their life.
- Meet them where they are. Maybe going out and partying isn’t healthy for them. Offer a walk, a coffee, a hike – whatever they are saying they can do.
- If someone has the courage to say “I am not okay right now” it means they spent a lot of time not being okay before they opened their mouth.
- Understand the way you handle an issue may not the way they can, will, or should.
- Love them. Believe in them. Believe in them more than they believe in themselves. KNOW they will get to the other side. Don’t give up on them – they need you.
- Educate yourself and shatter the stigma you have on mental health. I recommend following @realdepressionproject to learn more about Mental Health – yours and your loved ones.
And if you are the one struggling, know you are not alone. I promise you are not alone. You can always reach out to me and I will respond.
