This is where I chose to meditate this morning. The running water made it feel quiet enough, and safe enough, to sit on the floor in my sweaty workout clothes, press my back up against the tub and turn on Headspace.
Up until 5 years ago I had a very deliberate meditation practice. A practice that was still strong on my most tired, hungover and stressed days. I’d sit down before a makeshift alter in my small NYC apartment each morning. On most days, my cat would crawl up next to me.
When I moved to Boston I lost the mediation practice I used to know. Boston was new, and filled with a lot of immediate ‘failures’ for me. Within the first 6 months, I let go of teaching yoga because I couldn’t ‘make it’ here, got dumped by my boyfriend who moved here for, and found myself in my second office job…which to me, felt like prison. Meditation wasn’t even a thought at this time. I was just getting by.
Flash forward to now and meditation has been a very inconsistent practice that I consistently judge myself for. I “should” be doing this and I “should” be doing that to be a person I think I “should” be. These thoughts make it harder to just sit.
But today I was reminded that it’s not how often I sit, at least right now, it’s the fact that I tried in a way that felt authentic. I stopped when the noises outside the bathroom door became too loud to hear my own quiet. And today, it actually feels like enough.
What is your relationship with meditation? What do you want your relationship with meditation to be?
