It’s Monday, and I am already stressed about Wednesday. I am feeling guilt about not starting off 2019 with new daily rituals. I already took 6 trips back and forth to the laundry room – and it’s only 11:16am. I am anxious and I don’t know why. I have had 3 arguments with 3 different people in my head while planning and mentally list making. I am already driving to New Hampshire on Saturday. I also already cancelled that trip. I am staring at my newly made bed feeling a small sense of success. My kid just took her breakfast off of her plate so it could rest on her pants. I picked up the same 12 toys 16 times. I have not kept my writing promise. What even is an intention anymore? Laundry needs to be folded. Emails need to be answered. Learning needs to be had. An appointment needs to be booked.
This is ridiculous, but this is every day. So much happens so quickly and often, other things are happening within the same moment. It is exhausting. Days can go on without a plan and next thing I know I am at another Sunday thinking about how this week will be different. (Spoiler alert: the week is rarely any different).
I found myself thinking “I guess I’ll figure this out eventually” this morning – a thought I have said consciously, and unconsciously, a million times…
But I am done with eventually.
“I will do it eventually” is the same limited belief that has kept me from completing my online Business classes that I signed up for in 2016. It’s also the same limited belief that keeps me from figuring out how to optimize my reach on Instagram. The same one that keeps me from committing to a daily walk with my kid. It’s probably the same belief that keeps me from really figuring out what it would take to get myself back to NY. Today, I decided I am done with that belief.
I am replacing that belief with intention and planning. I am going to start planning, writing, scheduling and achieving in a way I didn’t in 2018. This is not to say I don’t get a lot done – I get a LOT done – but this is to say that my way of being and doing is usually driven by anxiety and I no longer want my anxious energy to run the show. I want the energy to come from within and not from nerves.
To do this – I am going to do 2 things each day – 1) make my bed and 2) make a list of intentions of what I want to do AND how I want to feel in that day. Relaxed? Energized? Exhausted? It all matters. I will then put that list into an actual schedule that will hold me accountable. Road blocks will come, of course, and I will have days where everything I planned goes out the window, but I will also have days where I can stick to a script and feel super proud and those are the days I am striving for.—
How has your New Year been going? Where do you need to redirect?
