You are allowed to change

I used to feel really trapped in the version of myself I was living. I wondered a lot about what people would think if I did change, grow, or step into a stronger, more positive, happier version of myself. What if I went out more? What if I just decided to be happy? What if I just decided not to let certain things get to me? What would happen? Who could I be? Is this actually inauthentic? What is authentic for me, anyway?

The fear of judgement by others was so strong that it kept me feeling small for a long time. I was scared that if I just started being who I wanted to be, everyone would leave. Everyone would judge me.

And then it got too painful and too tough to be the person I was. I was growing and changing.

And when is started to change, I did outgrow people.
I was judged by some.

But I didn’t care.

I needed to be a new me. I needed to heal parts of myself that kept me safe and small. I needed to heal other parts of myself that we’re no longer serving me. I needed to set new boundaries. And try new things. And new people.

You don’t owe an explanation to anyone if you can’t stay who you were before. ESPECIALLY now…especially in a pandemic…you are allowed to just start being that person you want to be. Without the guilt. Without a story.