This is how I felt about 2 months ago. A relationship I really cared about ended after weeks of struggle (from me). I did, in fact, turn myself inside out because I really liked him. I really liked how things were especially at the beginning of the relationship and I wanted it to work. I chose to try. But I wasn’t seeing reality. I was only seeing what I wanted to see.
The reality was that he didn’t want a relationship. The reality also was that even if he did, he wouldn’t be a good match for me. We are 5 years apart but a world of life away from each other. We are on much different paths but I wanted so badly for them to align.
I found myself writing out everything I wanted in a partner, and then writing out his qualities, and even though they didn’t align, I would try to draw a dotted line from one side of the page to the other to prove to myself it could work
I responded to texts the way I thought he wanted me to.
I put my wants aside.
I altered my social media posts so he’d think I’m funny.
I spent Saturdays inside instead of on top of a mountain because that’s what he wanted.
I went through so much pain trying to push my urges away when my heart and mind was screaming RUN.
But I learned so much. I learned how quickly I’m willing to just throw myself away (and how much I don’t want to do that). I learned that the person you meet on the first date is usually their best version, but you also need to be very honest with yourself when you meet MORE of that person. And I learned that it’s okay to stretch, it’s okay to change, but it’s not okay to stretch so much in a direction and feel so uncomfortable that you’re no longer honoring what’s best for you.
You need to be there for you.
And if you need any help, feel free to reach out for a Clarity Call. I am here. I want to help. You can book time with me here.
