Today I was reminded of my old friend, Positive Polly. Positive Polly was my alter ego that I gave myself the months before my marriage ended.
Back then, I felt inertially negative, defeated and small – all of the time. If the sky was blue, I saw it as grey. If I had a good workout, it felt fleeting. I never had enough sleep. I never had enough time. I never felt good enough. It was exhausting and I didn’t know how to break through it.
One day I was in the middle of a personal training session when I noticed I was in my typical, slumped shoulder posture dreading the next activity. I had found myself in that same place for the last 6 sessions and I was growing so tired of myself. “Here I was again” I thought, as if I did not have another choice. But I felt had that so many times – and every time it hurt more and more because I knew that this was inherently not me. This is not how I want to choose to be.
After that session, I sat in my car for a few minutes and reflected. I had 4 sessions left and I wanted to find a way to show up and love it as much as I loved looking forward to it each week.
I signed up for this. I paid for this. It is time to enjoy this. It is time to change. Now.
From that point forward I made a commitment. I needed to enter the gym with a new mindset. I signed up and paid for these sessions as a way to help me get back to my pre-baby self, this was my “me time,” it’s time to enjoy it.
The next week when my trainer asked how I was doing I replied,”I am positive polly today.” As I reflect on this, it feels ridiculous, but the act of saying I AM POSITIVE POLLY meant that TODAY, I CHOOSE TO BE POSITIVE which translated into LETS FUCKING GO.
My trainer was thrilled and we got right into the work. By the end of that session. I completed my first rope climb, something my previous self never would have tried.
From that point forward – Positive Polly became a term I used when I was stuck in my own negativity. I started employing it only at the gym, but eventually it continuously popped up in other areas of my life. There was no longer no reason to sit in negativity if I had a choice to be something else – even momentarily.
I found it harder to employ when larger, negative emotions were present and during those times I chose to let it go. Positive Polly was not meant to be an enemy or unrealistic – she was a tool – and tools can be put down and picked up when needed.
Do you need a Positive Polly in your life? Or a Cheerful Cathy? or a Excited Ellen? Where does she need to show up most?
